Leaving the "A" heading back to the "A" Returning to Amsterdam

I had spent 3 months in Atlanta after Eric's death, settling the estate, having his celebration of Life and reconnecting with family. It was nice, I had a great time with the family, my sisters (Leslie, Sharon and Deb) my mom, and Auntie Bertha, my nieces Kimberly and Kayla. I wasn't sure how I would feel heading back to Amsterdam after Eric's passing. Heading back to the place where he passed away, the city and the home we shared for only 2 months. But I have to head back, that where I work and live now and where we made so many plans, our "European Bucket List". I will do the list we planned and bring Eric with me every single place I am able to go.

Now I'm flying back to Amsterdam, after a long hiatus in Atlanta. My mother, Louise, is coming back with me, to ensure I don't fall into despair, which I won't. She will be in Amsterdam with me for 3 weeks and then I'm on my own, which I eventually have to be. We made it just in time to see the light show. It was cancelled last year, but we were excited to see it this year. When we returned everything was on lockdown, well the restaurants and museums were, however we were able to enjoy outdoor activities like the light show.

We took the route close to Eric and my apartment, so it was only a mile for us to walk. My mom loved it and we were glad we didn't miss it. So now my mom has gone and now I'm on my own, trying my best to move on without Eric. Eric, who has been my partner in "crime", my confidant, friend and lover for the last 19 years. I'm going to have to start again or more likely start anew. I will work but know that my future, my long future is doing something that honours Eric. Honours his legacy, his vision, my vision, and ensure we find pancreatic cancer in its early stage.

So back to Amsterdam I went and will continue. We love this city, since the first time we stepped foot in it back in '2015, our 10 year wedding anniversary. And we were blessed enough to be able to live there together for a short period of time and I will continue our lives there, for how long? I'm not so sure. But it will be at least for the next 18 months.