Reconnecting to God in a Protestant Church in Zurich, Switzerland

It was Valentine's day 2022, five months after Eric's transition and five months since I had a heart-to-heart with God. We were not friends, well, God will always be faithful, He can't help it. For me though, It's been a rough road and a questioning one. I'm still not fully understanding the plan, and It will probably take some more time. That being said, I'm moving forward. I had to have a tête-à-tête with the Almighty. I'm not unhappy, but not happy at the same time. And I needed to say it. I had not been to church in any form since Eric died, wow I actually wrote that word. I haven't found the right words to say. But in this situation, what are the right words? It's best to say whatever is on my mind and I did that on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2022, in Switzerland of all places.

Grossmunster Church is right outside my window where I stayed, The Storchen Hotel. Across the Limmat, directly out of my window, there it is sitting there as majestic as any of the other churches I've seen throughout Europe and the US. And the churches I've 'visited' since Eric's passing. I didn't have this discussion while in Greece, where there are thousands of churches. I lit a candle for Eric, but no conversation with God. It was way too soon. But for some reason I had to go in to Grossmunster on this day, sit and reflect, ask and cajole, plead and question in somber and anger. I've been angry, I have to say. And I've been sad, and cry at a drop of a hat. The slightest situations triggers memories that causes tears in private and in public. People see it, I think, and figure I'm "going through something". However, I lost it in this church on this day. I was there for over and hour, breaking down with mask and all.

I was on my way out, in tears, and saw in a nook some candles burning. I wasn't sure if candles were a thing in Protestant churches. I'm glad I happened upon it. With a couple of Swiss Frances I was able to light a candle for Eric. I vowed to light a candle for him in every church I visit that will allow. It was a beautiful moment to remember him and to acknowledge Him, to say that I will be ok. Eric said so and so did God as I sat in that beautiful Protestant Church. Did I get answers? Yes and sort of, I know what I must do now and will do in the future. But I do miss Eric so much, it hurts. It's painful. But God told me in Grossmunster that He has taken the pain from me, not all of it, for some will stay. But the pain that restricts, that doesn't allow me to move forward, that may make be depressed. The pain of Eric's loss will be with me forever. It will get easier. Eric was everything to me. We were a pair, a part of each other and that will always be. And God heals, He will continue to heal even as I cry typing this, looking outside of my window at the Storchen Hotel, seeing Grossmunster Church as the day draws to a close. The bells will ring at Fraumunster, the sister church and with every ring, I remember Eric, our love on this Valentine's Day and every day after. I also remember my reconnection with God and His promises, and my visit that made it happen.