MOM...What Would I do Without Her?

My mom....what can I say? When I needed her the most, there she ways flying 8K miles across the pond to Amsterdam. To help me and Eric as his disease started to decline his health more quickly than we all thought. She was and still is here to help me process being widowed. She's here to let me cry, question, be angry, disappointed and help me honor my beloved King, Eric, to the best of my ability. She knows I have survivors guilt. She also knows that I may be blamed for his demise, even though the disease is the enemy. It was very aggressive and in 8 months took my husband, without permission, without thought or empathy. When Eric went to the emergency room on August 4th, I called my mom immediately and asked if she was ready to come to The Netherlands. She said no she's not "ready" but will be there.

She arrived August 13th, the Tuesday after Eric came home from the hospital, and I couldn't thank God enough. Eric was stable when he arrived, home in the new apartment, which he loved. It's much bigger and on the ground floor. So it's was easier for him and for us to get him around. But Mom flew in, got some rest and started helping out; cleaning, cooking, consoling, giving Eric foot massages, back rubs, which is where she had drawn the line. I could not have taken care of Eric without her. My sole focus was keeping him comfortable and alive, which was our goal.

My Mom fit into Amsterdam quite well. She's been on the tram and the metro. She's been to Albert Heijn to pick up groceries and became very comfortable with the city. She has even broadened her horizons a bit. She never does al fresco dinning and now that's all she does. Except once, when the bees were just too much. But she's acclimated to the Amsterdam vibe very well. I think she likes it here. It's quiet, safe, easy to get around and small enough to get to know.

She's been so helpful, extremely helpful. I could not have made it without her, neither could Eric. I know he appreciated her being here and helping him as much as helping me. Every time Eric wanted a prayer warrior, he'd call on Mom to pray. We prayed every day, multiple times a day. He and I loved praying with her, for we know she's a prayer warrior and the prayer warrior of the family.

I remember when one of the nurses came and touched him. He wasn't feeling it and had Mom come and pray to get the spirit right with him. My Mom loved Eric very much and was willing to fly half way across the world to help us both. The day before he passed away, he summoned my Mom to pray again. But he did the praying and then Mom took over when he could finish. Eric and I relied on her during this time to help keep us both calm. There were times Eric and I would...'get into it' and she would be cool, calm and collected.

One time Eric raised his voice to Mom and she just let it roll off her back. She knew it wasn't anything she did, it was the illness. She's seen here before. She had seen it with my grandfather and my Aunt Essie. But I said to him, "You cannot yell at Mom!" I told him you can raise your voice to me only. He then apologized, but we knew his illness was getting worse, but we still believed God. And knew God can do anything. We put Eric's life in His hands and at His alter.

My Mom has always been my rock and was Eric's during our life together. He would always say to me "Did you call your Mom?" " How's your Mom doing?" "What's your Mom up too?" He would go over to her home and be with her for repairs. He was always looking out for her and now she was doing the same for him during his illness. She's here for me after his death and will continue to be a support system for me as I transition from wife to widow. As I try to move on and live a life he and I we were going to live together. As I stated from the beginning, what would I do without her.